Yngwie

[frelonvert]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0WA9A5_2q0

[PixMix]

Woah, did he gain some weight or what?

[Larry Mal]

What the shit was happening in that video clip.

[Telliot]

A whole lotta nothin, Larry. A whole. Lotta. Nothin.

[Larry Mal]

I just don't get it, I mean, the young woman who spun around first and was like, delighted to see Yngwie... are we supposed to think that she's a fan of Yngwie's or something? I'm not buying it.

No woman has ever listened to Yngwie by choice. That much we know. So whatever was happening there, it can't be that. Was Yngwie donating a kidney to her in dramatic yet lame fashion? Is that what was happening there, she was like, shit, this music is awful, but I'm happy to be able to get of dialysis so whatever, my new kidney is in that terrible man scaring me with his guitar?

And that other fat motherfucker- the one who isn't Yngwie- was he OK? It looked like he was suffering from the aftereffects of Bell's palsy or something. Is that part of the show? Did Yngwie cause that in some way, the palsy? Is that why the fat man wouldn't turn around?

I am left with a lot more questions than I would like. Did Yngwie win something? Did someone else? Was there a winner?

I hope so, because I feel like I lost something somehow. Why do I feel that way?

A lot of questions.

[PixMix]

And that other fat motherfucker- the one who isn't Yngwie- ...

I laughed so hard at this. ^

I think its some sort of April fool's joke on the members of a jury in a talent show in Russia. I might be wrong. A whole lotta nothin sounds like a safe bet.

[Larry Mal]

OK guys, I've given it some further thought, and now I know what must be happening in that video. It's all very complicated, but bear with me, I used Occam's razor and other logical exercises to arrive at the inescapable truth of what must be happening in that video.

Clearly, Yngwie Malmsteen is some kind of vampire-like creature. There's nothing else that makes any kind of sense when you analyze it. It's not the kind of vampire who is like, beautiful, and uses seduction type techniques to lure its victims in, though. It's obviously another kind of vampire, one that uses its "music" to lull its victims into some kind of torpor and then the Yngwie feeds on its victim's blood, every last drop. I know, I know. "Another kind of vampire?", you say. Yes. Yes.

It's the only thing that fits. Clearly, this new type of vampire is exceedingly dangerous, because this creature has been gorging itself on fresh blood for millennia and has been a very successful hunter, indeed.

The powers of logic tells me, though, that no bat would be able to be around that kind of vampire, bats are intelligent creatures and have very good hearing and that combination leads me to the incontrovertible fact that no bat would be able to be around any vampire that plays that kind of music. And what do bats eat? Insects. That's what bats eat. So it's quite clear, without question, that the Yngwie is surrounded by a swarm of flies. You don't see them under the klieg lights, sure. But the flies are there. The flies have to be there.

And that's why that woman is so delighted when she turns around and sees where the Yngwie is standing. The horde of flies! Of course. It all came together when I realized that of course, no woman would be happy to see the Yngwie, or hear that music. But the flies! Clearly, this young woman is studying to become an entomologist, and so naturally she would be thrilled to see so many flies buzzing around in the bright lights.

It's the only thing that makes sense!

Now, the young man in that video. Obviously, he's some kind of asshole- well, so you would assume. I promise you, the truth is not quite that simple!

Looking at him, it's very apparent to my trained eye that he grew up in some kind of deeply conservative home schooling situation, where his parents used the word "retard" frequently because they think that it upsets liberals by "triggering" people they think are "snowflakes" and this, combined with the fact that they consider adding iodine to table salt to be the way homosexuality is spread, has left their son suffering from a strong and irreversible case of cretinism.



Yeah.

It was when I considered the iodine that his story became crystal clear to me- I scared the birds in the trees, I tell you, I pounded my escritoire so hard! "The iodine", I cried out. "Of course- it all comes down to the iodine!" I promise you that if you look at that video and consider the iodine connection, it all makes sense. It's the only thing that makes sense!

And that other man in the chair? What about him, you ask?

Oh, he's just some fat-ass enjoys a seat and didn't want to see any more of that fucking bullshit music.

[shadowplay]

Of course I regret clicking that much as I've regretted clicking any shred link but that panel reaction reminded me of the rabbit in the headlights Clinton when faced with the up close gospelling of Mary J Blige.

I'm just baffled by the shred thing, as something for general civilian listeners and not folk that play sporty guitar. Somehow I saw this ultrashreddudekibble (Angel Vivaldi - Serotonin with Nita Strauss*) recently in the margins of something posted here and in the blurb the guy imagined it as the soundtrack to a 'dance party' and as someone who has spent many years luring disco dollies to a life of vice, I was quite taken aback by the idea and wondered if the guy had ever been in a or even 'Da' club.

The Vivaldi and Strauss thing was a bit odd too, I guess there's a subgenre of shredders with 'Classical' names.

D

*Larry, she's definitely seen Yngwie.

[sears]

if you had any doubt how weird the music industry is

[Whiny Minotaur]

I don’t like talking shit about music I don’t like because it probably means something to someone, but that video actually mad me cringe. I lasted 10 seconds before I had to turn the video off due to second hand embarrassment for everyone involved.

[marqueemoon]

Not something I'd watch more than once, but I was entertained.

[mgeek]

I don’t like talking shit about music

whereas I fucking love it and...am kind of speechless.

[PorkyPrimeCut]

Posted on the 1st April.

[Embenny]

Posted on the 1st April.

I thought the obvious splicing was a dead giveaway.

[Grey]

I'm sure some people were going along with it as a joke but others clearly weren't and thought it was real.

Larry's post about the iodine conspiracy was extremely enjoyable though.