How I hate him.

[Larry Mal]

And it's probably not who you think... it's Moby. I absolutely loathe Moby, always have. I always thought his music was super lame and one day I made the mistake of reading the liner notes to one of his stupid albums and I hated him immediately.

And now I guess he's written an autobiography, and it's getting some attention because I guess he wanted us to know, or think, that he had sex with Natalie Portman. Which is bad enough, but he's also so creepy and nauseating about it all that you can't help but hate him all the more. Like, if he just had sex with a considerably younger- but still adult- woman, and everyone liked it, then that would be whatever it is.

But that's not what happened. So, he claims in his book that they "dated" for a while, which she disputes anyway, and then he writes this:

"For a few weeks I had tried to be Natalie's boyfriend, but it hadn't worked out," Moby wrote in his book, released this month. "I thought that I was going to have to tell her that my panic was too egregious for me to be in a real relationship, but one night on the phone she informed me that she'd met somebody else. I was relieved that I'd never have to tell her how damaged I was."

So, a few thoughts about that. First is, I read that to Mrs. Larry (herself seventeen years younger than me) and her immediate comment was that of course Natalie Portman didn't have some other boyfriend, she just was creeped out by Moby and was regretting ever talking to him at all and so she made up a boyfriend to get rid of him and he's so stupid he never even realized that, and wrote about it in his stupid book.

Secondly, what kind of person... his "panic" was too "egregious"? She just graduated from high school. She probably thought that by hanging out with a much older man that she would at least get a different experience from the high school boys she'd otherwise presumably dated, but no, she got Moby, a navel gazing man child consumed with himself and his awful feelings and endlessly preaching about them. I hope his therapist gets paid a lot because after hearing Moby spew this self indulgent and self pitying bilge for an hour I'm sure that person vomits into whatever receptacle is nearby.

"I was relieved that I'd never have to tell her how damaged I was."

Ugh. But you'll write about it in a book, though.

For the record, her response:

"I was surprised to hear that he characterized the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school," she said.

Because of course that was.

How I hate him. It's funny to me, though, because he writes an autobiography and it makes people dislike him even more than they did before... what does that tell a person?

[Jaguar018]

This is low-hanging fruit Larry. Not many people are coming to his defense-- because just about everyone knows that he's a fucking tool.

The twitter-reaction smackdown for his bullshit was predictably PAINFUL.

[PorkyPrimeCut]

Autobiographies in general feel a bit like Madame Tussauds waxworks these days.

Once upon a time you had to have lived a long, challenged, enthralling life that some could only dream of. Nowadays any old fucker feels they can write one. Similarly, said waxworks museum is padded out with D-listers & nobodies. I wouldn't be surprised if Moby's in there somewhere, probably stood next to Fat Boy fucking Slim!

[Larry Mal]

This is low-hanging fruit Larry. Not many people are coming to his defense-- because just about everyone knows that he's a fucking tool.

The twitter-reaction smackdown for his bullshit was predictably PAINFUL.

Yeah, I know it's low hanging fruit, but I genuinely do loathe him and this is very funny to me, also.

The man's self indulgence is seemingly without bottom.

[soggy mittens]

Hate is wasted energy.

[Larry Mal]

Sounds like something Moby would write in the liner notes to a CD.

This is fucking hilarious, though:

https://twitter.com/_ElizabethMay/statu ... 8798885888

[panoramic]

This is low-hanging fruit Larry. Not many people are coming to his defense-- because just about everyone knows that he's a fucking tool.

The twitter-reaction smackdown for his bullshit was predictably PAINFUL.

Yeah, I know it's low hanging fruit, but I genuinely do loathe him and this is very funny to me, also.

The man's self indulgence is seemingly without bottom.

you say that in the era of Trump with no reservations?

[Larry Mal]

Read that woman's Twitter stuff- I guess she is putting up some screen grabs of Moby's book, it is genuinely hilarious stuff. Seriously.

Remember as you read this that this is what the man wanted us to know about himself to the point that he opened up a Word document and typed it all into book form, and had someone publish it.

[JMFan]

Hate is wasted energy.

Yes but anger is an energy.

[JMFan]

Yeah I dislike Moby. He's very self righteous and self-important. Music he makes is unappealing to me too.

[Telliot]

Yeah I dislike Moby. He's very self righteous and self-important. Music he makes is unappealing to me too.

Came here to say this. I’ve never understood his appeal, and always thought his music was terrible. Play is as interesting as watching paint dry IMHO.

[Embenny]

Did you hear about how he whipped out his penis and rubbed it on Trump's pant leg at a party in 2002 because he was still coming to terms with 9/11?

No, that's not made up. That's one of the stories from that goddamned pointless book that I learned because it was mentioned in a podcast. Hopefully we can all go back to forgetting about him soon.

There was one amusing interaction I heard about Lana Del Ray though, where he tried to flex on her about having a 5-storey penthouse or some shit. She apparently said, "Moby, you're The Man." And he thought, "Yeah, I'm the man!" to which she clarified, "No, you’re The Man. As in, 'stick it to The Man.' As in the person they guillotine in the revolution."

[scottT]

So you're saying Moby's a dick?

[Embenny]

So you're saying Moby's a dick?

[Larry Mal]

Did you hear about how he whipped out his penis and rubbed it on Trump's pant leg at a party in 2002 because he was still coming to terms with 9/11?

No, that's not made up. That's one of the stories from that goddamned pointless book that I learned because it was mentioned in a podcast. Hopefully we can all go back to forgetting about him soon.

I did read that- on that Twitter feed. I guess that he included that in his book? He wants us to know that about him?

He rubbed his dick on Trump and what are we supposed to make of that? Did he think he was taking some kind of stand with that?

What kind of person is Moby?