Let's get negative, you know?

[Larry Mal]

I mean, Maroon 5 is terrible, sure. Just middle of the road schlock more than anything else, harmless, no impact bullshit.

That stuff Sean put up, though. That really put a lit M-80 in the gorilla's vagina!

How's that.

[DesmondWafers]

[mackerelmint]

as my essex girl of a mother always used to say, dont be afraid to hit em in the dick.

Or stab 'em in the balls.

Yay! Oh do let's keep going with the jokey sexual violence stuff - Larry, can you go one further than these two?? I bet you can if you try...

Shoo.

[Larry Mal]

I mean, it's a thread called "Let's get negative," but I can't talk about nobody punching nobody in no dicks?

Fun fact: at a restaurant job I had for a while, I worked with these three old friends, all guys that had grown up together in Mexico city and made their way up here, great guys, we all worked together for some years.

Anyway, these guys started (or continued) punching each other in the dicks and it soon spread to punching everyone else in the dick, also, with the notable exception of me and one other guy for some reason. Everyone else with a penis was subject to this.

So, you'd see Esau come out of the walk in, he'd be loaded down with prep, and someone would get him one right in the crotch while he struggled to defend himself as best be could with arms full of fish.

But later he'd do the same thing to the next guy, and so on.

Sometimes this was done with great affection, this dick punching, other times it would be done with scorn, like how they done my man Drew. There was a surprising amount of subtlety there.

Like I said, I never got punched in no dick, and I don't know why that didn't happen, but I never said shit... "Hey, why isn't anyone punching me in the dick? " seems like s stupid question to ask. So I didn't.

[mackerelmint]

You know what I like about ball stabbing?

Everything. Literally everything. For one, there's the comeuppance aspect, which is always fun. That can come in any number of ways, balls don't even have to be involved, but it's a real plus when they are. They're funny, balls are. A surefire laff every time. Then there's the injury part of it, you can't get around that. Like, this guy's taken a knife to the balls, and his day is ruined. That's always fun. Just like we all enjoy watching someone fall down and eat it, we can all enjoy seeing a guy get stabbed in the balls. Third, and this is probably more specific to us ladies, we get to see this guy bleeding from a hole between his legs, and that's enjoyable to watch too. Like, what do you do for a guy who's been stabbed in the balls? Hand him a tampon, that's what. Then you get to see it all dawn on him: just how emasculated he is, or at least he thinks he is. I mean, it's all in his mind, but there it is all the same. He's crushed. Now he's a girl, and what could be more degrading than that? He doesn't realize that there's nothing wrong with it at all, that the injury is just an injury and the tampon is originally a surgical device that would be crammed into holes in men's bodies willy nilly. Nope, he thinks his life is ruined, and it probably is but only because he believes it to be true.

A true thing of beauty, the ball stabbing.

[Larry Mal]

Uh... yeah, Megan. Yeah.

[vandahm]

LET'S GET FUCKING FREAKY NOW

[Mickster]

You know what I like about ball stabbing?

Everything. Literally everything. For one, there's the comeuppance aspect, which is always fun. That can come in any number of ways, balls don't even have to be involved, but it's a real plus when they are. They're funny, balls are. A surefire laff every time. Then there's the injury part of it, you can't get around that. Like, this guy's taken a knife to the balls, and his day is ruined. That's always fun. Just like we all enjoy watching someone fall down and eat it, we can all enjoy seeing a guy get stabbed in the balls. Third, and this is probably more specific to us ladies, we get to see this guy bleeding from a hole between his legs, and that's enjoyable to watch too. Like, what do you do for a guy who's been stabbed in the balls? Hand him a tampon, that's what. Then you get to see it all dawn on him: just how emasculated he is, or at least he thinks he is. I mean, it's all in his mind, but there it is all the same. He's crushed. Now he's a girl, and what could be more degrading than that? He doesn't realize that there's nothing wrong with it at all, that the injury is just an injury and the tampon is originally a surgical device that would be crammed into holes in men's bodies willy nilly. Nope, he thinks his life is ruined, and it probably is but only because he believes it to be true.

A true thing of beauty, the ball stabbing.

Now Larry i’d give a 5 to; a little out there but at least he attempted some humor and he did deploy some quirky animal-derived surreality to help salvage things…Yours, not so much; it relied on explicitness rather than humour for its affect and lacked conviction as a result. Kudos for slipping in a statutory note about the gender bias faced by girls, but the whole thing is undermined by an overall slightly bitter feel. Suggest looking beyond slipknot liner notes for inspiration and focussing on a careful re-reading of V Solanas for further examples on how the pros do it. I’d give it a 2.5...

[mackerelmint]

I thought I told you to shoo.

The ball stabbing is a long running joke between Sean and me. As for the complaining about "sexual violence" and your pedantic attempt at a rejoinder, you kinda just come across as a wet blanket.

[mezcalhead]

Plus, it sounds like the lyrics of the chorus go "ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh I'mma shit for you".

Well, the song is about what lovers do, and I guess some of them do that.

The video is bubblegum CGI hell though.

LET'S GET FUCKING FREAKY NOW

OK, a pretty strong contender for thread winner: we have one pre-teen haircut disaster warbling misogyny through an autotuner while another goes "ЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧЧ" at random intervals.

Also it starts with these two bell-ends getting out of a Range Rover, if anyone needed any more reason to hate it.

[jakeisjake]

This stuff posted so far is pretty lowkey, you gotta step it up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hiWeClAk4g

from the comments section:

Apparently he has a lot of followers because that's pretty much what Guitar Center sounds like every time I walk in.

[DesmondWafers]

LET'S GET FUCKING FREAKY NOW

Brokencyde was the first band I thought of.

[s_mcsleazy]

LET'S GET FUCKING FREAKY NOW

Brokencyde was the first band I thought of.

they were bad but imho, they were never as bad as people made them out to be..... same with that "crabcore" band. yeah they were products of their time but the thing about products of their time is they stick in their time.

[DesmondWafers]

Eh, I think you could same the same thing for shit like Gucci Gang. I would rather listen to Gucci Gang on repeat for days than hear an entire brokencyde song, he didn't even post the worst stuff.

[mynameisjonas]

Plus, it sounds like the lyrics of the chorus go "ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh I'mma shit for you".

Well, the song is about what lovers do, and I guess some of them do that.

The video is bubblegum CGI hell though.

Good point.

Luckily, I haven't seen the video, I'll take your word for it.